Rock the Red Nosed Reindeer
by awfullybad
Summary: Had a very shiny nose. He also teamed up with Roller, ran away from home, landed on the Island of Misfits, defeated the Abominable Snowvan, and saved Christmas.  Related to Harvest Moon Twisted.


"Forget Me Not Valley is beautiful in the winter. It snows often so the trees and houses and hillsides are blanketed with the snowfall. Little bunnies scurry about the white fields and a large, hairy, winter monster stalks around the Goddess Pond. During this lovely season, some people like to call our valley 'The North Pole,' but those people are on drugs so it's best just to ignore them.

Although Forget Me Not is a beautiful, serene place, it can also be quite prone to snowstorms. Even if I live to be one hundred years old and get reborn as a butterfly, I'll never forget the awful blizzard we had last year. It was so relentless that we almost had to cancel Christmas. Can you believe it? We almost missed an extremely controversial holiday!

But just when we had all given up hope and decided that Christmas wasn't going to happen and all the little hearts of children everywhere were going to be crushed, a light shone on us through the dismay and we were given hope. _Literally_.

The story begins years and years ago on one fateful spring morning..."

* * *

><p>Tim and Ruby were now the proud parents of a beautiful and promising baby boy. They boldly and proudly named him after the first thing they saw when they looked out of the window- a rock. With such a marvelous name, the child was destined for greatness. However, there was just one little problem.<p>

"Tim! Don't you notice anything... strange about our baby?" Ruby asked with concern as she cradled the child in her arms.

"My God! He's got... blond hair!"

"Uh, no, I was talking about his-"

"Blond hair, my gracious!"

"His nose, Tim!"

"Ruby is there something you're not telling me?"

"Please tell me you notice his glowing red nose!"

"The hair- oh, right. Yes, yes I do think a glowing noise is a little strange... but why does he have blond hair?"

As the two parents bickered with each other, the baby cooed and buued and made an assortment of other baby noises. All the while his little red nose continued to shine brightly.

"Well I can't have a blond haired, red nosed son, Ruby! It's an embarrassment! They'll all think he's weird. Or that we stole someone's baby since he looks nothing like us. I don't even think he's Asian! Are you sure this is our child?"

Ignoring the latter part of what her husband said, Ruby looked at the buuing, blond baby she cradled in her arms. "Well, we can't do much about his hair or race, but... I suppose we'll just have to overlook that nose of his."

"Overlook it? We can't just overlook it! No, we'll just have to cover it up!" Tim began rubbing soybean paste over his son's odd, red nose. He stood up to admire his work, "There! He looks absolutely normal. Except for his hair. Man, that really bugs me."

Poor, little Rock had was oblivious and only made odd baby noises at the strange, new sensation on his nose. He had no idea that red snout of his would haunt him for the rest of his life.

* * *

><p>"For most of Rock's life, his parents were able to hide his defect. Every day they'd rub soybean paste on their child's nose and no one would have guessed that Rock was anything but normal.<p>

Tim and Ruby taught Rock all there was to know about being a good kid. They taught him a strong work ethic, how to fend for himself, how to clean and adopt responsibilities, and most importantly how to beware of the Abominable Snowvan.

In later life, Rock would completely lose all those morals and ethics.

But anyhow, Rock grew up to become a budding teenager with a whirlwind of emotions and hormones.

Meanwhile, Mayor Thomas was preparing long in advance for the journey he'd take on Winter 25th when he'd drop into people's houses and leave them a dazzling present. Thomas had his Harvest Sprite helpers hard at work as they prepared ores and gems for presents...All except one very handsome, misfit of a Sprite."

* * *

><p>The Harvest Sprites sat around a long table and the room was bustling with the noises of workers singing and tooting their little flutes and busily cutting gems: diamonds, topazes, rubies, sapphires. You see, Harvest Sprites have that certain knack for mindlessly doing another person's work. Everyone was having a jolly little time except one Sprite in particular...<p>

"Roller!" Guts bellowed, causing the Sprite in purple to jump. "You've been staring at that diamond for the longest time time time! Why haven't you cut it yet? You know Thomas doesn't tolerate being lazy lazy lazy!"

"Roller is dissatisfied with this relationship!"

"Nonsense!" Guts gasped.

The misfit Sprite hung his head. "Roller... Roller is riding the wrong unicorn, is all!"

The busy-body Guts let out the most horror stricken and disgusted gasp ever, as if Roller had just bitch slapped the shit out of him. "What? You don't like slaving over another man's work? That's so very wrong wrong wrong! Unnatural!"

"Look at all the fucks Roller gives!"

"Everyone, everyone!" Guts bellowed again, calling attention to himself and causing all the Sprites to stop their work and look to him. "Roller doesn't like to cut gems or harvest crops or smash stones! He doesn't enjoy wasting away in the fields, watering tomato plants!"

The Sprites roared with a high-pitched laughter that quickly filled the room.

"Man, you so wack!"

"All of this could have been avoided if only he'd listened to my sassy gay advice."

"Son, I am disappoint."

Guts huffed and put his hands on his hips. "Well if you don't want to work for other people, what DO you want to do do do?"

"Roller wants to bake," The misfit boldly said.

"A baker!"

The other Sprites went off with another roar of laughter.

"Roller has learned of untold treasures!" He pulled a recipe book from under his stool and began flipping through the pages. "Frostings, glazes, sugars, doughs..."

"Now listen here, Roller! You're a Sprite! And Sprites are meant to work work work! Now wise up or I'll have to cut your from the platoon!"

"You can't fire Roller!" The misfit declared, snatching up his recipe book and holding it close to his chest. With one swift, defiant move, Roller barrel rolled straight through the window and tumbled out into the snow. Then he announced boldly, "Roller quits!"

* * *

><p>"Roller is quite an admirable Sprite, don't you think? Well, there will be plenty of time to marvel at him later, but for now let's (unfortunately) go back to Rock.<p>

Now that he was reaching the peak of his teen years, he was beginning to realize that he was different, and he hated it."

* * *

><p>"Aw, come on! Do I have to put that stupid stuff on today? It makes me feel really... weird... and awkward," The boy began to whine.<p>

"Rock, you'd be a hopeless mess with or without the soybean paste. Now hold still while your mother makes you look presentable!" Tim scolded as Ruby solemnly smeared the paste over his son's defect.

"You're breaking my balls!"

"Rock, there are more important things than your balls- try self-respect!"

"I'm sixteen, dad. Nothing is more important than my balls at this point in life."

But even so, Rock left the house with his blemish covered, only to sit under the stars and contemplate life before singing a heart wrenching song about how life wasn't fair.

Preferably from Linkin Park or Simple Plan.

* * *

><p>"Well the seasons came and went until finally it was Spring again and the fields were colored by a light frost and budding plants that crept up through the chill. It was also during this season that Romana would host a garden party at the Villa so everyone could fellowship and enjoy one another's company. Someone always got drunk and ran around with a lampshade on their head. Don't know how it happens, but it does and it's never a very pleasant sight...<p>

Anyway, Tim and Ruby brought their son to the party as per usual."

* * *

><p>Rock looked around with wide, Chihuahua-like eyes. Even if he'd been into the villa before, he would never cease to be impressed at how grandiose and refined it all was. Quite a step up from the splintering floorboards and dusty Chinese furniture of the Inn he called home.<p>

But something interrupted his awestruck gazing.

"Heeeey, duuude! You lookin' pretty freaked out, maaan. What's buggin you out, brother?"

Rock jumped and saw that Gustafa was trying to make small talk. "Oh, God, you're the one who always ends up running around with the lampshade, aren't you?"

Gustafa threw his head back and laughed, "Haha! You're one funny dude! Heeey, you wanna head out back and join the mad crazy milk chuggin' contest, little bro dude?"

Rock's eyes widened. "Eh? Milk chugging contest? You bet I'm in! No one can suck down that creamy white goodness like I can!"

"Bro. Don't talk about sucking down creamy white goodness ever, _ever_ again."

* * *

><p>In the Villa garden there was a table set up where three contestants sat, bottles of milk beside them. Rock and Gustafa had walked into the middle of a heated match between Carter, Griffin, and Wally.<p>

"Aw man, this might be a while. Those dude bros are the best of the best when it comes to this sport, maaan." Despite Gustafa's warning, Rock was wholly confident in himself. "But heeey, this gives us a chance to talk to some lady bros. I think Lumina is checkin' you out, maaan."

Lumina was in fact batting his eyelashes at Rock and lightly swishing his body in what appeared to be a cute and girlish manner- something that told of young love and shy admiration.

Rock couldn't help but beam. "Yeah? Well, you know, I can't really blame her. I'd be checkin' me out too."

"Go over there, man. Follow your heart."

"Alright, I'll do it!" With much confidence did Rock stride over to the admiring, young Lumina. "Hey, babe."

"Good afternoon, Rock," the boy greeted, half looking away. "Lovely day, isn't it?" Lumina took a step toward Rock, "For drinking milk, that is."

"Yep! And you're gonna be able to see me smoke the competition and win this thing, babe," Rock exclaimed, oozing self confidence.

" I think I would like that," the other boy smiled softly.

"Hey, Lumi, after the party do you maybe want to-"

"Duuude! Get over here! The next round is about to start!"

Rock heard Gustafa call out and he grinned. "You ready for this babe?"

"Of course."

Rock turned to run off, but stopped suddenly as if he'd just remembered something. "Lumina, after this you wanna walk with me to the beach?"

A blush caught Lumina's face. "Of course! Ah, Rock...? You're really cute, you know."

The boy's eyes lit up, his lips twisted into a big, smug grin, and his eyes narrowed. He began in a low tone, almost like a whisper, "Lumina?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me I'm big and beautiful. Like the ocean."

"... What?"

"Shhh. No questions. Just speak. Just give me those beautiful words."

"... Rock, you are big and beautiful," and then he added quickly, "much like the ocean."

"Yes!" Rock shouted as he pumped a fist dramatically, a gesture of triumphant victory. "Yeah, man! I'm so ready to take on the whole freakin world hot damn I'm so pumped woohoo _LET'S DO THIS_!"

Lumina could only watch in a bit of fear and confusion and awe as Rock ran off to join in on the contest. Biting his bottom lip, the chestnut haired fellow sucked in air and breathed out in a low, rich voice, "That was _hot_."

At the competition table, Rock was so pumped that as soon as Muffy blew the whistle, he excitedly grabbed a glass and began downing it with much fury. The other two competitors, Grant and Hardy, didn't stand a chance.

By the end of the match Rock had ten empty milk bottles beside him. Leaning back in his seat, he rubbed his stomach and threw his head back to laugh, "Haha, I'm going to throw up _everywhere_!"

"Right on! Sweet chuggin', duuude!" Gustafa congratulated. "But you got a crazy little mustache now, maan!"

Becoming self aware, Rock carelessly and roughly wiped the lower half of his face with his sleeve. Unfortunately, the soybean paste was wiped off along with the trail of milk.

Gustafa gaped, "Whoa! Far out!"

Rock was somehow completely unaware of his glowing red nose. "Huh? Somethin' up?"

"Duuude, I think you're like, an alien, man! Whoaaaa, I found an alien!"

From Gustafa's marveling came an outbreak as more and more villagers noticed Rock's beaming, red nose. Before long the entire garden was roaring with insults and laughter.

"Red snout!"

"Fire beak!"

"Neon nose!"

"Blondie!"

"Tim! Do _not_ encourage this!"

"Hey!" Rock shouted, his eyebrows furrowing. "Get off my dick, you guys!" In much shame and anger, he ran off until the gleam of his nose could hardly be seen anymore.

* * *

><p>"Rock!" Lumina called out as the boy ran passed him. "I thought you wanted to walk to the beach?"<p>

Stopping, Rock sighed and kicked at the ground before shoving his hands into his pockets. "I don't wanna anymore."

"At least let me walk you home?" Lumina offered.

"Are you sure you want to walk home with a weirdo with a glowing red nose?"

"No, you're right. I don't." Rock's spirits were crushed and a frown caught his lips. "But I would like to walk home with _Rock_ and _his_ red nose."

This relieved Rock and finally he put on a small smile. "Well, okay. Come on."

So the two walked beside each other on the way back to the Inn, both trying to forget about what had happened during the drinking contest.

"You know," Lumina began softly, "I don't think there's anything wrong with being different."

"You don't, but everyone else does."

"Well," Lumina looked down, something about this hitting all too close to home, "that is true. And because of that, we like to think that hiding who we are will fix everything. But it doesn't... Rock, the worst thing you could ever do is hide behind a lie in place of facing adversity. Trust me, I would know."

They walked in silence for a few moments afterward as Lumina's words struggled to sink in. Finally when they approached the Inn, Rock spoke.

"Babe, I didn't understand a thing you just said but it sure did sound cool."

* * *

><p>Back in his room, Rock was still rather beat. Ignoring the fact that his stomach was full to burst, he couldn't forget those insults his 'friends' threw at him. And the worst part was that he couldn't possibly do anything about that nose of his.<p>

He stood before a mirror and looked at himself with a scrunched up face, "Nose, I hate you. You bring me down. S'not cool, man." Sighing, he fell back against his bed only to land on something small and hard.

The 'thing' let out a cry and Rock sprung back up immediately. "Son of a bitch!" He shouted in surprise when he saw the little Sprite squirming around in pain on his bed. "Wh-what gives, man!"

"Roller has been searching for an escape!"

Rock calmed down and furrowed his brows, "An escape?"

"Roller thinks the cake has gone stale! Roller would like to bake a fresh cake!"

"Dude, you're not makin' any-"

"Roller just wants to be free!"

Something clicked in Rock's defective brain. "Hey! I know what we could do- we could run off together! Go on a kick ass adventure! Fuck the police! Down with the system!"

Roller gasped, "Roller shall elope!"

"Yea- hey no _wait_. We're not getting married. We're just going to run away."

"Fair enough."

And so, the baker and red nosed blond joined forces and fled the Valley that very night, feeling like quite the rebellious bad asses.

* * *

><p>"Now, although Roller was a highly intelligent man, the duo had no idea where they were going or what they planned to accomplish. All they had was the burning desire to escape a world that oppressed them.<p>

Through their travels, they happened upon a mountain path in the thick of a blizzard, and it's there that they would meet their greatest adversary, their most dangerous foe."

* * *

><p>Roller had nearly been blown away by the howling gusts several times, and Rock was moaning and groaning uselessly about how he couldn't feel his bajinger. However, Rock's frigid reproductive organs were the least of their worries when they suddenly heard the dreadful cry of the Abominable Snowvan.<p>

The Sprite panicked, "Roller thinks we are in deep shit!"

Rock panicked as well, "Aww, not cool, not cool! He's gonna open his giant, gaping mouth and swallow us whole!"

The Abominable was in fact a terrible beast. Extremely large in body size, this black market business monster wanted nothing more than money and human sacrifices (aka food). He showed absolutely no mercy.

"Roller thinks you should put out the lighthouse!"

"_What_ lighthouse?"

With no time to explain, Roller leapt up and latched onto Rock's face, covering the boy's beaming red nose.

Problem: solved.

* * *

><p>When they were out of harm's way, they ran into a very peculiar character.<p>

Riding in on a sleigh being pulled by chinchillas, a silver haired fellow in prospecting garb made his way over to the two. With a cool and confident smirk on his lips, he bowed his head just slightly.

"Good day," and then he paused to look at the blond adolescent with big, wondering eyes and the little Sprite who looked completely unamused, "_gentleman_."

"Wow, check it out, Roller! We just landed us a babe! She's totally hot, too."

"Roller is not sure if that is a woman..."

"Roller, I just had your crotch in my face for the last three hours. I'll take anything at this point."

The man chuckled, "Oh, you silly Valley folk. Rest assured, I am most certainly a man. Not just any man, mind you!" With that, he ran his hand through that beautiful hair most dramatically, "I am a phantom, I am a thief, _and_ I am extremely gorgeous!" He almost sparkled.

Rock was mesmerized. Roller not so much.

"Roller doesn't like you."

"That's what they all say," he began, grinning confidently and speaking in that lush tone of voice with that seductive look in his eyes, "_at first_." With that he gave the two boys a wink.

Rock swallowed and bit his bottom lip. "I can feel my bajinger again."

"The name is Skye, and you little lost sheep look like you could use some direction. Fortunately for you, I know this mountain pass up and down and I'd be more than happy to generously guide you."

Roller pulled Rock aside and whispered, "Roller doesn't trust this ghost. Roller thinks he will kill us and eat our bodies!"

"But have you _seen_ his hair? It's so... beautiful."

"Roller will not walk into the trap of this succubus!"

"I can hear you, you know that right?"

"Curses!" Roller hissed. "Alright, we shall ride down the path to hell, but only because Roller thinks the succubus smells nice."

Skye grinned, "Like curry, baby."

* * *

><p>So for a while they traveled down the pass as Skye lead them along with his army of chinchillas. Things were going smoothly until once again they heard the terrible roar of the Abominable Snowvan.<p>

"Look!" Rock cried. "It's him! He's coming to get us!"

Sure enough, the Abominable was on a rampage straight for them. His large mouth was opened wide, ready to swallow them up whole.

"Faster my furry companions, faster!" Skye urged his sleigh-pulling team.

"Onomnonom!" The Van growled, swiping a big arm at Roller and Rock, just barely missing them. Instead he tumbled to the ground.

But the boys weren't safe just yet. They'd reached the end of the pass and were faced with the ocean: there was nowhere else to run, nowhere else to hide. They were finished.

"Fear not! For I know The Van's one weakness." With a pickaxe, Skye chipped away at the ice around them until it broke off from the land, creating a miniature iceberg they used to float away on.

The Van saw that they were escaping so he threw his head back and cried out before leaping into the water, "GET IN THE VA-"

But before he could finish shouting the very old and esoteric meme, he began sinking.

Skye beamed at his work. "The Van cannot swim. He's too heavy so he can only sink."The phantom thief turned around to face the two wide eyed boys, "Alright, now which of you shall I murder first~?"

"Say _what_."

Skye grinned.

* * *

><p>"Back in Forget Me Not Valley, Tim and Ruby were realizing that they had been complete assholes to their son all those years. Because of his guilt, Tim went off to find his dim witted son alone, despite how much Ruby wanted to go.<p>

But in the end Ruby and Lumina went off looking for Rock together anyhow so I guess the joke was on Tim."

* * *

><p>Luckily, Skye had only been kidding.<p>

By nightfall, the trio had come upon a very strange island. Dark and deserted, it was a bit frightening at first but they could see the warm glow of a fire up ahead. As they got closer they saw three people roasting marshmallows around the fire, all with very solemn looks on their faces.

"Hello, there!" Skye greeted when they were close enough.

All three of the strangers jumped and turned to him, look of utter surprise on their faces.

"Wh-who are you?" The soft spoken brunette asked. "And how did you three get here...?"

Rock took the liberty of answering him, "Some big ass monster guy chased us. Got a cool iceberg raft thing. Floated here from the other side of the world. No big deal."

"Ah..."

"Well I'll be darned!" The gruff red head shouted as she stood up, her marshmallow fallinginto the fire. "We aint get no kind'a visitors on this here island in months! And shucks, they all be very fine, fine young men!"

"The blond kind of looks like a Chihuahua," observed the tall, muscular one in a low, deep voice that lacked any kind of emotion. "I love Chihuahuas. Can I pet him."

Rock backed away. "What the hell, man!"

"Ahem," Skye cleared his throat. "I am the Phantom Thief Skye, this is Rock the red nosed doof, and the little green haired creature over there is a very strange Harvest Sprite who calls himself Roller."

"Roller is offended!"

Ignoring that, Skye continued, "Now that you know who _we_ are and why _we_ are here, would you care to explain who _you_ are and why _you_ are here?"

"W-well, I'm Cliff," the brunette started, "he's Cody and she's Vesta..."

"My name is easy to remember! 'Cause 'Vesta' sounds kin'a like 'vegetamable!'"

"Vegeta_what_."

"She means vegetable."

"Oh, right."

"We're here because..." Cliff looked from the boys to the ground in a sad gesture, " You just landed on the Island of Misfits, and we're outcasts. People didn't like us... thought we were weird..."

"No kidding? People thought we were weird too! They dissed me 'cause of my red nose!"

"Roller just wanted to icing the cake!"

Skye ginned, "Nope, nothing wrong with _me_. I'm practically flawless. Seriously. Just ask my fangirls."

A light blush surfaced on Cliff's cheeks. "Ah, if you three want to stay here a while, we wouldn't mind...! You'd just have to get permission from King Moonraiser first... The King lives in that castle over there and watches over the island."

"A king, hmm?" Skye smiled. "How _grand_. Well, what are we waiting for?"

* * *

><p>The trio had not expected the King to have breasts, but none of the minded.<p>

"Why, _hello hello hello_," the King grinned as her eyes befell the boys. "Has Christmas come early?"

Rock tilted his head to the side, "King Moonraiser?"

"It is I!" The King stood up proudly as she held a dazzling, jeweled scepter in her right hand. "King Miyabi Jill Moonraiser III!" She sat back down. "Now, how can I help you two lovely boys and your pet dog?"

"Dude, that's not our dog. That's Roller!"

"Oh, right, same thing."

Roller growled and barked.

"So, what is it that you boys desire?"

"Well, it's pretty freakin' cold out and we just needed a place to stay for the night, so we were wondering if we could crash at this sweet palace-"

The King burst into laughter. "Ahahahaha! _No_. You can, however, all sleep very close to each other in the shed out back. That works."

"Beggars can't be choosers," Skye whispered to Rock.

"You, pretty boy," the King pointed her scepter at Skye. "You like brunettes?"

He looked up at her with those seductive eyes and that coy grin, "_Quite_."

King Moonraiser bit down on her bottom lip and slid to the edge of her seat, clutching the arms of the throne and inhaling sharply before groaning, "_Hamanahamanahamana_."

"Oh, and King Moonraiser? Is that... _thing_ on the end of your scepter what I think it is...?

"It's _exactly_ what you think it is."

* * *

><p>So the trio tried to get comfortable in the shed out back after Cliff so kindly brought them blankets. "Complements of the King," he'd told them.<p>

"Hey, I have the coolest idea," Rock began, "let's have a sleepover! Cliff is totally invited too!"

"But this shed is so tiny! Roller will be crushed if he tries to sleep here!"

"Oh, don't be so selfish, Roller." The thief winked at Cliff, "We may all have to sleep rather close together, but I'm sure we could fit him in."

Cliff's face reddened and a look of panic overtook his expression. "N-no, that's fine! Th-thank you, though! I, ah, have to get going...!" Without warning, he took off.

Rock laughed, "Jeez, what a nice guy! I wonder what he got sent here for."

* * *

><p>Later that night, Rock snuck out of the shed while the other two were asleep. Hopping onto the iceberg raft, he headed off.<p>

He laughed, "Man, those two were totally wack!" Then he looked back to the island and shouted, "Catch you later, bitches! Rock has officially left the building."

* * *

><p>"That King Moonraiser is a completely bitch, isn't she? Anyway, Rock was on his on for a while there. He had no idea how to fend for himself so he had a lot of trouble finding food and shelter. In fact, he was practically driven to the brink of survival and nearly died several times.<p>

But on the right side, his body had matured and blossomed into that of a young man's. His mind was still permanently stuck at 15 years old, however. Nothing could fix that, really.

Well, starvation made Rock realize that running away from home wasn't the best idea ever, and that he should probably head back to Forget Me Not Valley... but once he returned, he was told that his parents and Lumina had gone off looking for him.

So for a while there Rock puttered around his house in agony and ate pretty much everything he could find. After several hours of doing that, he felt like an empty shell. But things only got worse. That terrible snowstorm whipped the Valley... it was the most horrible snowstorm the village had ever seen."

* * *

><p>"Duuude, you gotta find 'em!"<p>

Rock sat in the corner of his room, curled up and lifeless. "Find who."

"Your mom, your dad, your girl! They're gonna die out there, maaan! That wouldn't be groovy at all!"

"Barracuda."

"What?"

"Pacific Ocean."

"Um-"

"Bajinger Eating Shark-"

"Snap out of it, maaan! You aren't even mellow, man, you're just pathetic!"

"I... I am..."

"You gotta save your people, maaan. Save your parents and your lady friend, little bro dude!"

Rock got up. "You're right. I have to help them. I have to prove to this town that I am more than just a red nose outcast! That I'm big! And beautiful! That

I

AM

ROCK!"

"Groovy! That's that the spirit, man! So, what were we talking about again?"

* * *

><p>Rock searched and searched until finally he got tired and needed to find a place to rest. That big, dark cave up ahead looked perfectly harmless, so he wandered in it to take shelter for the night.<p>

Little did he know that he had just entered the Abominable Snowvan's cave...

When he entered, he'd walked onto the most horrendous sight: The Abominable had Lumina in his massive clutches and was ready to eat him alive.

Rock shrieked, "Oh damn holy God sweet mother son of a you've got to be kidding me _what the shit_!"

"Onomnom?" The Snowvan dropped Lumina and stared at Rock with bloodthirsty eyes. Meanwhile, Lumina fell to the ground with an 'Oof!'

"No! No no no no no no nononono don't come after me don't come after me don't- _SHIT I'M DONE FOR_." Rock stumbled backwards as the Abominable charged at him.

Under the giant's massive weight, Rock was crushed. Not to death, but enough to knock the wind out of his chest and leave him writhing around on the ground.

Lumina cried, "Rock! Oh, we've got to do something or he'll eat Rock!"

Before the Abominable could tear Rock's limbs off snack on his arms, his big, chunky face was pelted by an onslaught of gold coins. But from where did they come?

"_I am the vengeance_," a bold voice echoed off the walls of the cave, its origin unknown and its owner unseen.

"_I am the night_."

Everyone looked around the cave- up the ceiling, to the side, to the front of the cave. They could not figure out where the voice was coming from.

Then a figure dropped down what appeared to be nowhere, landing on his feet at the cave's entrance. With a confident grin, the silver haired fellow look directly into The Van's eyes.

"I- _am going to fuck you up_."

Ripping his shirt open, Skye cried out, "Ambiguous Sexuality Beam, fire!" In a dazzling array of colors, a powerful beam shot from Skye's chest and nailed the Snowvan right in his. The beast cried out in pain but didn't fall just yet.

"Oh," Skye frowned. "_That's_ not good."

Much to everyone's surprise, the Snowvan growled and charged at Skye and the little green haired Sprite who'd accompanied him on the rescue mission.

Skye and Roller stared at their approaching doom with horror.

"Mother-"

The Snowvan knocked into them, causing all three to go careening off the side of the cliff and plummeting to their dooms.

Rock, Lumina, Tim, and Ruby stared at the spot where the three had stood just seconds ago. None of them could believe what had just happened.

After much silence, Rock finally spoke,

"Dude. That's messed _up_... So hey, who wants to get back home and throw like a huge party and shit?"

And because it was Christmas Eve, no one objected.

* * *

><p>"Back in Forget Me Not Valley, everyone was happy to see that Rock and the others had safely returned. Can't imagine why. I mean, Tim, Ruby, and Lumina are alright but Rock? I'd just assume people wouldn't care if he dropped off the face of the earth never to be seen again.<p>

Sorry, that was a tangent.

Anyhow, the villagers were beginning to realize that they probably shouldn't have been such small minded assholes. In order to make it up to Rock, they held a grand Christmas party at the Villa, despite the raging snowstorm."

* * *

><p>So the villagers eat and drank and talked and enjoyed the company of one another. Then there was an unexpected knock on the door. It was none other than the Phantom Thief and the crazy little Harvest Sprite.<p>

Skye beamed at the crowed from the doorway, "Surprise, surprise!"

"Roller can't die! Roller's soul lives on!"

Rock grinned, "Whoa! We're being visited by two ghosts! Awesome!"

"We're not ghosts, you silly boy! We're alive!" With that, Skye walked into the foyer with a leash in his hand. And no, the leash was not attached to Roller. It was actually tugging a very calm looking Snowvan along.

Gasps broke out among the crowd, but Skye put his hand up to shush the noise. "Worry not, for The Van has been completely tamed."

"Omnomnom," The Van agreed.

Roller piped up, "All Roller had to do was feed him the fluffy goodness that is cake!"

Skye grinned, "Now, this once monstrous creature saved us. You see, his _extra layers_ broke our fall and saved us completely."

With that much cheering did erupt. The room began filling with the merry sounds of laughter and joy and holiday cheer once again.

That is, until Thomas waddled in and royally ruined the mood.

"Everyone, everyone! Christmas... has been... _canceled_!" The room went dead silent as everyone turned to Thomas. "I know, I know, it's quite the disappoint... but this darn blizzard isn't going to subside any time soon, and I can't deliver presents if I can't even see where I'm going!"

Suddenly Rock's nose went off, causing the entire room to be cast in a red glow.

"Hey! Not now!" Rock argued with his nose. "Aw, come on!" Still self-conscious, he covered his nose with his hand and laughed nervously.

"That's it," Thomas gasped, "that will save us!"

Rock perked up, "Say what?"

"Your nose! Its glow could penetrate the foggy blizzard!" Thomas waddled through the crowd and made his way to the embarrassed blond. "Rock, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

"Do I get to be the hero?"

"Yes."

"Will all the villagers love me?"

"Yes."

"Will my name go down in history?"

"Yes."

"Can I wear a cape?"

"... Yes."

"Deal!"

The room erupted into a joyous cheer.

Lumina grabbed Rock and gave him a kiss on the cheek, " Oh, Rock, I knew everything would work out in the end! Didn't I tell you? Living life as yourself is so much better than hiding!"

"Whoa," Rock laughed, "I just scored!"

For the remainder of the night, the people of Forget Me Not Valley sang happily and had a wonderful time.

Christmas was saved!

* * *

><p>"And so, that day become one of the most memorable days in Forget Me Not history. Rock lead Thomas's sleight through the thick snowstorm and the Mayor successfully broke into each and every house and stuffed a little gemstone into everyone's stocking. The people on the Island of Misfits had a happy ending too, as they were finally accepted back into society. Everyone lived merrily ever after.<p>

As for me?

Well, I'm just wondering why the hell I haven't left this place yet.

Happy holidays, everyone!"


End file.
